“I told you two was enough,” Lena said, pushing Percy back upright.
“You’re hardly one to talk, you had three!” he said, slinging an arm around her neck.
“Clearly I can handle it better than you.”
“Are you sure? I don’t think that this is the parlor on the way to our room.”
Lena looked around and cursed. “Goddamn it. Percy!” she yelped as he pulled her with him to the fancy carpet.
He put his hands up, framing the painted ceiling. “I’d say this is a better view than our room, wouldn’t you?”
“Percy, come on, what are we going to do if the host or one of the staff finds us here? We may not have the most reputation to defend but sleeping on the floor when we have a perfectly good bed will do us in.”
He could be dead weight when he wanted to be, so Lena’s efforts to pull him up were useless. “Stop pushing,” he said. “It’s comfortable down here, you should join me.”
Lena put a defeated hand atop his chest. “You should at least take me to dinner first.”
He groaned. “If I ate right now I would vomit.”
“Wow, that makes the situation even more enticing,” she said as she laid down next to him, head cushioned by his arm.
He pointed at the ceiling, decorated in the renaissance style with nude figures all over the place. “That one looks like Geoffrey.”
“Oh god, why would you say that, that’s not an image I ever wanted to have in my head.”
“What, you never wanted to see him naked?”
“Ew, god, stop it.”
“It’s because I’m the only man for you, is that right?” he whispered in her ear in a caricature of sensuality.
Lena squirmed away. “That tickles, stop it.”
“Okay, then you take a look at the selection here. Who among these fancy painted people reminds you of someone from real life?”
She considered it for a moment. “That one.”
“Which one, the one with the strategically draped cloth?”
“No, the one next to him draped across the rock in dramatic agony.”
“Okay yes, I see. Who does he remind you of?”
“He’s what you’re going to look like in the morning.”
Percy scoffed. “This carpet is much more comfortable than that rock. Who would do that to themselves?”
Lena squinted. It was hard to see in the low light. “Oh, maybe he’s dead.”
“Ah yes, the dead don’t need comfort,” he said knowingly.
They considered the ceiling a little longer.
“Are we really going to stay here all night?” Lena asked.
“You tell me, do you think you can get off this floor? I’m telling you, this rug is nicer than our mattress.”
Lena kissed him on the cheek. “We should see if our host would be willing to part with it as an early anniversary gift.”
Percy waited a beat. “Or we could steal it.”
“How, pray tell do you plan on getting a twelve foot rug out of the house without anyone noticing?
He shrugged a little. “Dunno. Tell ‘em we’re cleaning it or something.”
She lifted her head. “You’d better not puke on it.”
Percy raised a hand. “I have a stomach of steel. Nothing’s getting past me.”
“That’s what you said on your birthday, and what did you do?”
“Shh…” he slurred, sloppily putting a finger across her lips. “We don’t talk about that.”
Lena rolled onto her side to put an arm around his middle. “Alright, just go to sleep. If you have to throw up do it on the tile. If you get it on me I’ll kill you.”
He patted her shoulder. “You wouldn’t do such a thing.”
“Perhaps not, I couldn’t get away with it here. But once we’re home…”
“How despicable.”
“Your vomit don’t smell like flowers, sweetheart. It’s a fitting punishment.”
“Ugh, why did I have to marry a hardass? I am in no position to endure such treatment, I tell you.”
“Go to sleep, Percy. I won’t be able to until you shut your face.”
“But you like my face.”
“I do like your face, and right now I like it closed. Especially since you’re the reason we’re sleeping on the floor tonight.”
“Hey, hey, you’re the one who brought us to the wrong parlor.”
“And then you decided to lay down, it’s not on me.”
“Agree to disagree.”
“Agree that you’re wrong.”
“Alright, fine, fine, just let me sleep, god.”
Lena reached up just enough to give him another kiss, and then they fell asleep.